Dear World,

I leave for 3 months and everything goes to pot. Seriously, what is this madness? Calm. Down. I'll be home in a week, and I'd like to enjoy my time.

Love,

Me.

I hate coming up with titles.

You know, it's funny. I've always hated my skin. I have really bad scars on my face, and acne, and it just never looks smooth and lovely like "it should" without some major help.

However, since I've moved to London, my skin has really started to clear up. It's at least all one level now, and I can cover it all up with makeup. I also got some really good concealer while I've been here, and so my skin does look good!

What's funny to me though, is that even though now the "one thing" that I've always been annoyed with (my skin) is finally starting to clear up, I'm focusing on other things that I don't like. For example, I've been being really finicky about my eyebrows, plucking them more often then I ever did before. While some may say that taking pride in my appearance is a good thing, I find it interesting that instead of taking confidence in the fact that my skin is clearing up, I'm choosing (consciously or otherwise) to re-focus my negativity to a different trait.

Who gets to decide the beauty standard anyways? Bastard.

Heart, we will forget him

Heart, we will forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done pray tell me,
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.
Haste! ‘lest while you’re lagging
I may remember him!

-Emily Dickinson

Grey skies are gonna clear up...

So I found out today that he is officially dating someone else. I'm sad, and disappointed, and a little mad at myself for not acting earlier, but at the same time, I'm ok with it. I'm no worse off than I was before, and now I have a new friend.

Not that I need any more male friends, but hey. It'll be alright. I've been single now for just about 3 years, and it's ok. I have been here and made it this far, I'll be alright for a little while longer.

...Right?

...put on a happy face.

An arguement with myself.

I would sometimes really like to stop dreaming. I mean literally dreaming, not having goals and desires. I would say dreaming at night, but even that wouldn't be accurate any more.

I don't understand why my dreams are so vivid and usually spot on. I have a suspicion, but...that can't be right, can it?

No, that can't be right.

But what if it is? What responsibilities would I then have to those that I dream about? And why me? How am I differe...ok scratch that. We all know I'm different and weird.

What have I done to earn such...power? knowledge? insight?

...I don't know. Guess I'll just go with the flow, for I have no other options.