A Eulogy
I miss my friend.
The one who was my friend. The one who didn't hurt me at every given chance. The one who cared about my well being.
The one who confided in me and trusted me. The one I could make laugh even when he was on the brink of despair. The one who let me past the mirrors.
The one who promised me that we would always be friends, no matter how far away I physically went.
The one who doesn't break promises.
I think he's dead.
posted by Tiny Dangerous One @ 9:56 PM
2 Comments:
He isn't dead, and he misses you as well, but he is broken right now, and needs to be away.
I know that you don't like this, but it's the way that it has to be. I always do this. We've had this conversation before. I need to be by myself.
I know the way that my moods work, and things have been continually building up. I'm to the brink of explosion, I just don't know when it's going to happen. When I get like this, I say and do things that I don't mean. I literally have little control over the things that occur, and I do not want you in the cross-fire.
You got in a lot farther than I ever let anyone in, but I told you that there is a part that is always going to remain closed off, and that is where I am right now. I don't know how long it's going to be, but I will come back. I just have to handle this first.
To the entity that wrote this comment: Look, IDK who you are, but you are -not- Josh. You are some reflection he put up to deal with the world as he rests in his box. You cannot tell me that he is not dead, because you are not allowed to look inside the box, just like me.
I do not know you, and I do not trust you. However, like your predecessor before you, in God, I am stronger than you. So, don't even think about messing with me.
To Josh: I know you can hear me. You put me back in that box that I despise and loathe so very much. For FOUR MONTHS. I. Can. Protect. Myself.
Honestly, you're going to have to come find me when you decide to come out. I know you "always do this". That's what I can't handle anymore. I should not have my agency taken from me every time you become unstable, and I should not arbitrarily lose my friend every 3-4 months.
That's why I think you're dead. The friend I once knew doesn't exist anymore, as far as I can tell. I might consider talking to him if he comes back.
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