Intensity

I have come to realize that I am a rather intense person.

Everything I do, I do with passion and fervour. Current example: I am writing my masters thesis literature review. Maximum of 5,000 words. My notes alone are currently over 4,000 words, and I have 9 articles and 2 books left to review. <.<

My emotions are also all very intense, I'm just very good at moderating (read: hiding) them. Perhaps that is why people who know me well can see them. It's not dissimilar to putting ones hand over a flashlight. The light is still there, if someone knows where to look. I don't turn them off, I just don't shine them in people's faces either.

I have no idea what this realization today has to do with anything, but I felt the need to share.

Side note: synonym for intense = afire, or ablaze.

...I'm so calling 911 and telling them that OMG MY HOUSE IS INTENSE!!!

When it rains, it rains.

Magnetic fields.

I'm disappointed. It could be worse, but I really don't understand. I don't understand why he would be allowed to be in my life, and have this whole thing set up just to have it taken away?

He's taking a family member to the dinner. I know she's not a threat to me, but I really wanted to go.

I don't know how to talk to him now without the prop of the raffle winning. But I so need to because the attraction between us is strong enough to flip the north and south poles.

I just don't want to get burnt again. I'd almost rather be alone than risk having that happen.

...Almost.

Sheer terror.

I'm so attracted to him it hurts...

...And that amount of control terrifies me.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to bolt. That seems to be my default response.

But I think that if I did that, I would explode. (I also think people would shoot my exploded remains.)

You've got me out here in the water so deep.

Dear Emotions,

We've had a good run, but I'm leaving you. I think you and I both know that our relationship has disintegrated over this past year, and I don't need you any more. You cause me nothing but stress, and I'd be ever so much more productive without you.

It's not me, it's you.

Sincerely,

The newest member of the Vulcans

ARGH.

Dear Emotional Addict,

What the hell? That was completely and totally both tacky and inconsiderately unnecessary. Why in, on, around, under, or [any other preposition] the world would you even THINK that your action was acceptable and even good to do? Let me tell you something, it wasn't.

Facebook friending my romantic interest, and telling him that you've heard of him from me and wanted to get to know him better when he hasn't even heard of your existence (lucky him) is not cool. All that did was put me in a really awkward position of having to explain to him who you are and why you want to be his friend. I don't appreciate this kind of attention from him, thanks.

If you wanted a picture of him, I would have done a screenshot and sent it to you. It's not that hard. Stalker.

I guess I should know to expect this from you by now. I mean, after all, in 2 years, you've been engaged three times and tried to elope twice. I just don't understand.

Sincerely,

The former witness.

In the movie of my life, this would be the point in the storyline that the audience would want to throw something at me.

Round and round and round we gooooooooooooo...

Mhur.

(For those of you who have never heard me speak in real life, that phrase is pronounced "mmmm-her", through clenched teeth, and often is a statement of mixed frustration and disgust.)

Questions need to stop. Now.