Dear Journal Stealer,

I better not ever find out who you are. I would, however, like my journals back now please.

Sincerely,

The panic-stricken one

I can't. I thought I could, but I can't.

You were mistaken. I'm not as strong as you think.

I cannot. Be here. Anymore.

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere 

I want it more than I can tell

And for once it might be grand

To have someone understand

I want so much more than they've got planned...

I just want to go sailing. Or kayaking. Either one.

I really need to get out of here. I need a break. I need to be alone for a little while, or at least apart from those who are the source of my stress.

I cannot wait to go to London. I love all of you with all of my heart, but I'm just done. There's nothing for me here. I'm not growing here; I'm not happy here; I'm not even content here anymore, really. I mean, I know I'm loved. And I love in return, but I, like Belle, need something more. And it's not here.

2 months. I can do anything for 2 months. Well...you know what I mean. Don't think too hard on that one boys and girls.

Letters and Things

Dear Emotional Addict,

Here I'll make this simple for you: Do not get married one week after getting engaged. Do not get engaged 3 months after meeting this guy. Do not constantly change the wedding/elopement date. Do not get married if you are wondering if you should go back with your ex-fiancee. Do not let your ex-fiancee come watch you sign the wedding licence if you ignore the first rule. Don't break my mother's heart by saying you want to have the ceremony here and then go to the courthouse. Decide what you want and stick with it. I love you, but I think you've lost it.

Your friend,

The witness

Dear boy,

Oh no no no, don't funk with my heart.

Love,

The confused one

Dear Intensity itself,

I love you, and I'm so so so sorry that your parents are getting divorced. I cannot believe that. It seems to be that this came out of the clear blue sky. Whenever you need to come over is fine by me. However, please tell your parents that they have terrible timing. Seriously. Also, I'm going to need you to take it down just a little tiny bit. I'm running out of help strength to give out to people, and you're important to me enough that I'm willing to pull from wherever I have to to help you. Don't make me have to, please, because I will, if I need to.

Love always,

Ananias.

Dear Emo Kid,

I will be fine. You will also be fine. Let me be (even though I know you won't). Stop giving yourself headaches.

Love,

The Water Bottle Decorator.

Dear Future SOS,

What the hell? Please tell your parents that I expect them to refund me for my non-refundable tickets after they changed their minds about me being able to come. I want to go to NY. No, I am not mad at you, because I know it wasn't you fault, but I am disappointed.

Love,

The future President

In lieu of writing about the fact that my heart is currently missing, here is a list of things that I am happy about:

1. Getting to spend more time with my sister.

2. Training being over tomorrow at work!

3. Emily being here.

4. The beautiful weather this weekend.

5. I have enough food to eat and not be hungry (when my appetite comes back).

6. I am loved by my friends, even when they can't show it.

7. God is still in control.

...That is pathetic that I can only come up with seven.

You. Confuse. Me. A. Lot.

|-------------| this much.

Here's the situation. Tell me if I'm nuts (in thinking that he's super confusing, not in general, thanks).

So he's coming over tomorrow to sew some more for AWA, and he asked me if he could take me out to lunch first. No big deal, we've done this before. Then he asks me if he have one of his friends come who is having a rough time at home and needs to get out. This friend's name, I kid you not, was Crow. Not knowing if Crow was a boy or a girl, I responded with: o_O. He then specified to me that Crow was actually a girl named Lauren, but that everyone called her Crow.

...What a terrible nickname.

Anyways. Not wanting to seem the over possessive girl that I secretly am inside, I told him that she was more than welcome to come. He then responds with, "Are you sure, because if you want it to just be us two, that's cool too. Your call."

Argh. Frustrating boy. I say "Why don't you ask her and let her decide?" His response? "I think I'll just come alone; it'll be easier."

I don't understaaaaaaaaaaaaand. Also, what are the odds that this girl doesn't actually exist? He blew her off pretty quickly...ok brain, don't even go down that path.

Forehead, meet my keyboard. Keyboard, forehead. *smash*

Dear psycho-crazy aunt,

Go back on your medication. Ask if you can come visit before you do. No one is going to be here but me. You have already scared my mother off to NY, and my brother is in Charleston. Christina and I are both going to band camp, and my father has to work. Anne just got out of the hospital, Frank is helping her, my grandfather is not doing too well, and my grandmother already has her hands full taking care of Anne and her husband. What made you think that now was a good time to come down...without even asking? And what, praytell, do you think your kids are going to be able to do while you're here? Argh!

You cannot have my bed. Don't even think about asking for it. The answer is no.

I am also not entertaining you, so don't expect so. Any time that I am not in band camp will be spent relieving my grandmother of nursing duties.

Maybe I'll go to London for the week to find an apartment and get my visa letter...

Sincerely,

The champion avoider.

Joseph is leaving today. Yes, we get on each others nerves. Yes, sometimes I want to strangle him.

But he's still my brother, and I'm going to miss him.

Who needs closet monsters when you have the phrase "if only"?

While I am definitely back and feeling better than I did on that damn medicine, tonight I feel very guilty.

My friend went into the hospital for dehydration yesterday. I did not find out about it until today. She is one of my very best friends, and I should have known that not hearing from her in a week meant something was wrong. In fact, I did know, and I did nothing about it. I just posted a measly comment on her wall that I missed her. If I had called her, like I should have, I would have known that she wasn't doing well, and could have helped. I essentially let her be sick alone in her house for an entire week, and I did nothing, knowing in my heart that something was wrong, because I couldn't get over myself enough to call her and see how she was. This was something preventable, and I did nothing, because that fucking stupid medication made me so damned depressed I didn't care to do anything.

Dehydration is something that she will recover from. Her kidneys did not shut down. Her sodium levels are coming back down, and I know she will learn from this. I'm just so mad at myself tonight.

In other news, I will not be going back on that medication. Ever.

On screaming and sleeping

...Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane, shoulda been my name...

I needed you. One of you. Any of you would have done wonderfully. I have been screaming at the top of my lungs, but the individual problems each of you are facing are apparently louder than me.

...I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

No wonder I'm still single. I'm a mess. An unattractive mess. I should have taken adorable as a compliment.

I'm tired of this. Damn it all to hell.

I. Can't. Be. Here. Anymore.

If you need me, I'll be in my turtle shell.

I hate titles

Dear Irony,

My friend, what did I ever do to make you pick on me? Do you think you're funny? Having one of the few people I don't like invite me to party at my own house is not funny. Having me walk into a hanging iron planter is not funny. Having me lock myself out while yelling at a squirrel is not funny (ok well perhaps that one). Having the boy call me to complain about how he hates watching the girl he likes flirt with others and go out on dates with a different boy every night is not funny. Having one of the leaders snap at me for trying to calm them down about ice cream is not funny.

Leave me alone already. Today was enough for a while, thanks. You're not funny anymore.

Your friend,

The victim in this situation