Dear psycho-crazy aunt,

Go back on your medication. Ask if you can come visit before you do. No one is going to be here but me. You have already scared my mother off to NY, and my brother is in Charleston. Christina and I are both going to band camp, and my father has to work. Anne just got out of the hospital, Frank is helping her, my grandfather is not doing too well, and my grandmother already has her hands full taking care of Anne and her husband. What made you think that now was a good time to come down...without even asking? And what, praytell, do you think your kids are going to be able to do while you're here? Argh!

You cannot have my bed. Don't even think about asking for it. The answer is no.

I am also not entertaining you, so don't expect so. Any time that I am not in band camp will be spent relieving my grandmother of nursing duties.

Maybe I'll go to London for the week to find an apartment and get my visa letter...

Sincerely,

The champion avoider.